Life is an adventure of the heart, an adventure into love

Saturday, 15 April 2017


is the belief in goodness
its the Sunrise
the green soldiers that rise up
through the cracks in the pavement
It's the New Day
the new baby
Its the first kiss
the fluttering
Butterfly's wings
Hope takes us up into truth
a warm shower
the smell of hot coffee
the thing that we live for
and rise for every day
the new beginning that comes the morning after the ending
The blackbird's song that is sure to come
the dancing leaves and dappled light of the morning
the promise of a beautiful day 
The pathway winding around the corner
the backpack ready for the journey ahead
There is hope in the heartbeat of living things 
and the new breath after new breath after new breath 
The butterfly emerges
the egg cracks
the bluebell flowers 
The bulbs planted many moons ago 
bloom again
Expectation of goodness
The love squeezed out until the container overflows
and there are drops for everyone who will drink
Hold out your tired hands 
and receive 
let her kiss you today

Friday, 14 April 2017

A Butterfly's Journey

Metamorphosis is derived from three Greek words meaning 'transformation', 'change' and 'form'. One of my favourite definitions that I've happened upon is: 'changing form in keeping with inner reality.'

When I think about metamorphosis, I immediately think of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly or a tadpole a frog. I particularly like the caterpillar to butterfly process as it seems to be a perfect parallel story for my own spiritual journey and transformation process. I like the incomplete metamorphosis of the dragonfly as well, partly because I love that the young are called 'Nymphs' but also because the young look very similar to the adults only they are missing their huge pair of glimmering wings and their beautiful colours- how many of us can relate to that?

I was reading up on metamorphosis this morning and there were a few things that really spoke to me. In the caterpillar stage, there is really only one purpose- eat. The caterpillar eats, eats and eats until it is so huge it needs a new skin. It then splits its old skin and lo and behold there is a new one underneath so the caterpillar has lots more space to eat and eat again. Does this not feel like the childish state of humanity. We live in a caterpillar word where it is all about eating, eating and more eating. However, there are lessons to be learnt in the eating, for one, if you're just eating to get bigger you will always feel like there is something missing because there is that 'inner reality' of the butterfly that is not yet a true reality for you. Secondly, if you are on a Spiritual path, you will know that feeling when you just don't fit your currently life reality anymore, you have eaten everything within reach and nothing seems right any more. Everything feels tight and painful and it feels like you are probably dying. Just when you feel like you cant take it anymore, your skin splits open and you have a whole new reality that fits you so much better. These death-life cycles are incredibly important on the Spiritual path. Something dies- something is born.

Once the caterpillar has eaten and burst 4 or 5 times, there comes the next stage, the Pupa or Chrysalis stage. At this point the caterpillar has had several practice runs of what it feels like to be too big for its skin and gone through several small transitions (which feel a bit like death), and they are ready to undergo their final transformation to become their true selves once and for all. This is probably the part of the process that we don't like very much and don't want to go through. It looks like death and it feels very unproductive, however it is the only way. In my life this looks like, the acceptance that I feel uncomfortable and that i need to focus my energy inward. It looks like choosing what lives and what dies in my life- what still serves me (relationships, hobbies, how I spend my time) and what doesn't serve any more. It is a state of trust to let go of those comfortable things that feel familiar and safe, waiting for the new things that are just around the corner of this ending. The green shoots will come up out of the warming ground in Spring, but Winters job must be completed first. There is a surrender to the small, still voice of truth here, and you must truly listen, even though it may be very painful, it will lead you home to yourself. So, even though when the caterpillar is inside the pupa it looks like nothing is happening, VERY big changes are happening inside.

And one day, it is time for the butterfly to emerge. This feels a bit like a birthing to me. The butterfly must go through the process in order to split open its chrysalis and come out. Once the butterfly is out, it pumps blood into its wings to 'inflate' them'. I like the 'pumping' metaphor. Once you are emerging there will still be the peaks and troughs, and the more you pump goodness into your spiritual life/ work, the more your wings will inflate, but this too is a process, and there will be times when you feel tired and wonder if you will ever get there- ever find your 'thing'. But one day you will! Your beautiful wings will have unfolded and dried and you will be ready to learn to fly.

So what is the adult butterfly's purpose- reproduction baby! As fully fledged spiritual butterflies, it is our job to create more love, more life and more goodness wherever we go. If we refuse to go deep down into the 'death' cycles then we will probably still be stuck in the 'feed me' stages of our development, but, but, that is where the adult butterflies come in too, because those of us who are still stuck on the caterpillar stage on the leaves, will look up and see these beautiful creatures soaring above them, and something inside them will yearn, and be inspired, because all of us were born to fly. Just like the ugly duckling calls out to the Swans soaring above his head, so truly we all know that we were born to drink from flowers and bring beauty and colour to the world.

Tuesday, 13 September 2016

Fly butterfly

I am my priority. My life force is my focus . My energy levels are paramount. We cannot give what we do not have, and yet we do. We have been taught to prostitute ourselves for connection. Where does that leave us? Feeling alone, empty, unafraid and unworthy. So now, to let go of the requirements of life and others and to begin to write a new story, my own story with my own plot lines. To trust that my love is enough. To have faith that my connection with the Divine is indeed sacred and separate from anything I could ever do or achieve. Now to begin anew so that I may spread my wings and fly above it all, laughing that I once crawled on a leaf below.

Fly butterfly, fly!

Monday, 12 September 2016

Two Buttons and a shoestring

Sometimes it feels like life is asking an awful lot of me. I know I want to give something, I want to help people heal and I want to inspire people back to love. However, it feels a bit like one of those stories where the main character is being sent off on an important quest and an old sage is giving them their last pieces of advice and also some seemingly useless implements which the elderly sage insists are important and that the main character should keep them safe. The main character usually smiles and thinks the old sage is crazy but holds on to the implements anyway. Later on these implements do come in to the story and end up being vitally important in order for the person to complete their task.

So why am I saying all of this. I think its because I feel like I have two buttons and a shoestring in my pocket- or in my case a handful of poems, songs, and thoughts which I don't know what to do with. But maybe the whole point is that they seem so small and insignificant, and yet, yet we know that they have come from the deepest part of ourselves- we know they are golden. And so in choosing to turn our attention to them and to nurture them and let them find their place, we are honouring the gold in us. Maybe this is what Jesus was talking about when he told the story of the servants and the talents. Here's what I think, we cannot judge what has been put into our pockets- we have to trust that they are given by someone with greater wisdom and foresight than our own. We must not bury what we have, instead lets use it- even if it seems small, and trust that in investing it, we will get more- the next piece of the picture.

So I am asking myself today, how can I honour what I have in my pocket right now- all the pieces of my life. How can I draw them all to me and not cast any pieces of myself aside? When I get still and listen to my heart the answers usually come and I just know what the next right thing is.

Peace to you.

Friday, 23 May 2014

Let us be one

I can feel the Divine in church, or in a mosque, or in a temple
I can feel the living presence with friends, watching children play
Or best of all, quietly, in the garden
Walking through the fields
Smelling the flowers
Listening to the birds sing out their stories
We are all born from the womb
We all want to love and be loved
We all want to laugh, and cry and feel
We all want to be held
We all seek the one true Divinity
We all seek for connection with something Greater
Does it really matter what name we give it?
We are all alike in our truest part
The desire for connection runs deep in us all
Like we are all born of the same Spirit mother
From the same country where love reins and there is no fear
On our journey as we seek to feel what we know to be true
Let us not kid ourselves into thinking
that we are the only ones who seek truth
that we are the only ones who know truth
whether we speak French or English,
Latin or Arabic, it is the language of love
that we are all longing for
Brothers and sisters, friends
let us stand together in the truth of this knowledge
Let us not separate ourselves by lack of understanding
Let us be one

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

How life looks to me right now.

I am ready. Ready for a change, ready to speak out from the truest part of me. There seems to be a truth telling revolution going on, started by such warriors as Brene Brown, and I want in. I am sick of comfort and conformity. I don't want a comfortable life, not really, it's just I've been taught and told that I do. I really want an adventure. I want to feel the cold wind swirling around me, wet with rain and rich with the smell of the earth and sea. I couldn't care less for comfortable mediochrity. I am a daughter of the dawn, a friend of daring. So let me be a dreamer, let me truly live and breathe for as long as I can. Don't let me be fooled into thinking that I will live tomorrow or 'when this bit is done' or 'when that bit is out of the way.' I want to live now. I want to follow my passion to the ends of the Earth. I want to feel alive, feel the loving beating heart of promise in my blood. I want to pour out all that I am into a message of love. A message of hope for the human spirit.

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

Motherhood, the early days

Fleurie is 9 days old. That sounds like such a long time and such a short time. She is beautiful. I fell in love with her straight away. Her tiny perfectness, fully complete, fully there, I am lucky, blessed, full of love. She has a lovely shock of velvety smooth dark hair, and dark blue beady eyes. Newborns are divine, pure and simple. They have a language all of their own which says love me, nurture me, protect me, I'm oh so cute and oh so vulnerable. At the same time, how could one so small look so infinitely wise, with eyes so deep, and ancient like the night sky full of stars, other-wordly, beyond time. It is such a privilege to live out my day simply giving love, Motherhood is a beautiful gift and I am unwrapping it slowly, savouring every moment of the experience.

Fleurie is my third baby, and experience has taught me so much. I learnt through the other two and I am still learning every day. I've learnt to chill out, at the end of the day babies are very simple creatures (if they are fit and well), and my philosophy is to parent in the way that most minimises stress, happy parents, happy children. If routines make you stressed, don't do them, if they make you feel more confident, go for it. Try not to think too much about what's right or wrong, not thinking, but being and flowing with the moment seems to be a much easier way to function. Experience has taught me that although life revolves entirely around children right now, it won't be that way for long, so enjoy those baby snuggles while they last. Sleep will return, and so will grown up evenings, suck up all the goodness of newborn smells, toddler first words and five year olds first stories. One day they'll be calling you from some other country and you'll miss the time that naughty little girl was sneaking out of bed just for one last bit of contact from you (even if it was a cross word!).

We could talk until the cows come home about what children need, how to discipline, ways to show love, but the simple truth underneath it all is that everything they need is inside your heart. Loving starts with you, so feel the wonder of your breath, the life within your bones, sit in the stillness and let love fill you up. Know how infinitely precious you are and then snuggle those babies, let love surround you all.