Being true

I've been in a bit of a dry spell recently, in terms of creative expression. This came up in conversation with Jonny the other evening and talking it through with him gave me some real clarity. I told him how I felt embarrassed of my original drawings for Sophie Sailboat, the ones that I made into cards, how I felt like they weren't good enough and I wouldn't want to push them out there any more. It was interesting processing why I've felt this. We realised together that when I did those original drawings, I was just myself making art for fun and taking my stuff seriously for the first time. This then became the launch of having my own little business and doing a few card sales and things. I think when I had my own business, I began to put pressure on myself- like "I'm an artist, therefore what I create should be 'good'." I began to limit my expression which ultimately meant a dry spell creatively.

Talking things through was sooo good, because it reminded me of what art really means to me and why I love to draw. For me, it has to be a way of expressing how I feel and making that into a visual picture to share with the world. It has to be authentic because that is what makes it feel magical. This goes for any creative expression, music, art, writing and so on, I think you can tell immediately if something is a true expression as it moves you in a way that you can't really explain- it just feels so good. It is the human heart being true to the beauty that it really is.

Anyway, I decided to just go and sit and see what came out of me rather than prescribe to myself what 'should' come out, and to be honest it was really hard at first, but once my idea was down on paper it was great fun. I love how it expresses so much of how I have been feeling recently. My hand represents openness and vulnerability of heart and the bird represents the inspiration or dream that I want to share. I like that it's a blackbird because I think sometimes it can be very scary to let our dreams out, and I wanted to keep the bird black for this reason. Then the song that is expressed by what feels like such a humble creature blossoms and branches out into the world and impacts far more than we could ever have guessed.

Perspective

What a glorious day outside and a much needed walk in the sun. I've been feeling a bit cramped recently, a bit limited, like I'm ready for circumstances in our lives to shift and why won't they, now?! As I was walking my mind was refreshed with the simple realisation that all of us are limited in some way by our circumstances, no matter what they may be, but that all of us also have control over our perspective. What do we focus on and where do we put our energy?

Do we think about how much better things will be when... or if only I had that then I'd feel free. Ah, we're missing out on so much if we focus on lack rather than on the abundance that we already have in our lives. What do I have today that I can be grateful for? What do I have today that I can be creative with? These are all a completely different perspective that will set your heart free in your situation. If you take the example of a birthing Mum, she may be desperate to be holding that baby in her arms, but she still has to go through every process of labour in order to get to the part at the end. She still has to let go and listern to her body and surrender to the process. She still has push when her body says push. She has to trust her gut and go with her instinct to get that baby out.

What I'm trying to say here, is that being present where you are and enjoying what you have will set you free. You will no longer feel tied down by your circumstances, you will feel free within them.

We have a 2 bedroomed cottage and a baby number 3 due in a few months time. Rather than focusing on 'We need more space', I have decided to love our home and try and find ways to be creative with our space. This makes me incredibly happy, rather than frustrated that we can't move right away. We can all choose to look up rather than down. There's a big blue sky up there that speaks of peace and freedom. A child will always try and find a way to play, whatever the circumstances (and what fun games can be had with pots and pans, sticks and mud)! That is my word for right now, 'play', play, play, play with whatever you can, wherever you are, make it fun, make it interesting.

I have realised that situations that seem so limiting are often blessings in disguise. For example, if Jonny and I booked a holiday in a month's time and I made a decision to 'just get by' until the holiday, I would be making a decision to just survive for a whole month of my life in order to finally get to that holiday. And then oh my, when the holiday came, the pressure to relax would be so overwhelming. Not having a holiday on the horizon means I have to find creative ways to make the 'right now' a mini holiday. I have to find ways to 'fill up' every day. I end up enjoying my life and not needing a holiday, but rather being thankful for one (and the fresh adventure it would bring) if it did come my way. My husband is very good at analogies and we were having a chat the other day along these lines, and he said - 'see yourself as a bucket, right now you're empty, and all you have is today- find a way of filling it, because an empty bucket isn't a happy one.'

Find a way to fill your bucket, right now with what you have, where you are. This is the lesson I'm learning.