Winter

There is a large Poplar tree in the garden behind our house. A man popped around yesterday to say that the Poplar tree would be coming down and today there have been several men in the garden with chainsaws. It is dark now and the tree is only half down, so I expect there will be more action tomorrow. When we were talking to our neighbor yesterday, he mentioned that they would be cutting the tree down now due to the fact that the sap hasn't started rising up the tree yet. This got me thinking. It feels like I am very much in a Winter season personally right now. There is so much going on in me emotionally, spiritually, creatively, yet it is all so internal, and it feels like it is deep down inside the very heart of me. I feel the promise of Spring around the corner, when the sap will begin to rise up and the buds will burst forth into leaf and flower, however at the moment, the days seem short and I can't see much fruit anywhere. I know that this is a really valuable and important time, but at the same time there is alot of frustration in me. I think the frustration is a longing to feel the flow of creativity in every area of my life. I think for me, this process is becoming less about having creative outlets and more about expressing myself on my life as a whole. I've realised that feeling like I can only be creative if I'm sitting painting is now confining for me, whereas before it was complete freedom to allow myself the time to do that. I think this change has come about because life and I am so much bigger now. I don't want to miss the creativity in simply living and breathing life. It seems to be that the way forward is feeling OK about not understanding everything, and accepting myself and loving me, whatever day I'm having or whatever emotion I'm feeling.